You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
