i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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