i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
