Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
