I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
