Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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