i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
