no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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