You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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