i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
