you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
