If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
