Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
