where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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