yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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