but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
