We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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