The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize