OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
