i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
