Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
