i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
