I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
