We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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