dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
