i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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