I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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