I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
