I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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