I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
