I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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