oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
