please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
