I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
