Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it glows. i had to have it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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