if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize