Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize