I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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