I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
