you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
