I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
