You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
