The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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