woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
