I want to have your abortion
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
