so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
