hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize