I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
