I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
