Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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