The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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