dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
