He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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