Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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