Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
