my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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