She announced her abortion via fbk
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
