so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
