Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
