Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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