By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
