my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
