We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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