I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
