My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
