If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
