so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
