I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
