Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
