I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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