There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
