I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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