Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's blow job season.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to calm my uterus...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
