I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
