Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My ass is underappreciated
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
