he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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