Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
