Your tits are I can't wait for
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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