i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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