I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
